For over a year a lot of us have dreamt of meeting up with friends and being social again, but now that time is starting to arrive are we ready to mix with others again? Whilst the idea of a return to a so-called ‘normal’ is exciting for some people, it’s frightening for others, even those of us that would usually be considered confident.
"People are trying to cope by loving being in lockdown, by creating a cocoon of safety, a haven, to make the whole experience more tolerable. Ironically that can create problems later on because people can love their lockdown too much and become anxious about going outside." Dr Steven Taylor, a professor in the psychiatry department at the University of British Columbia, Canada
One of the problems is that keeping our distance and isolating has gone on so long that it’s formed into a habit which are hard to break and reforming new habits may take longer than we think. It was previously believed that it took 21 - 28 days (or doing something 20-28 times) to form a habit, but current research shows that most of us need about three months to change and some people need even longer.
I generally never viewed other people as any sort of threat to me, but now if someone comes too close I leap out of the way, I’ve done that for so long that it’s now definitely a habit. If I watch a programme on television that was made pre pandemic I automatically think ‘why are those people so close together? Where are their masks?’ So I’ve obviously formed a new ‘normal’ in my head.
Not all of our new habits are bad. I (and apparently many others) are very happy that people aren’t crowding us when we go shopping etc. I like the idea of using sanitiser and the fact all supermarket trolleys are cleaned frequently. I haven’t had so much as a cold since this all started, so even after the pandemic I will be retaining some habits such as using sanitiser, not touching my face etc as obviously there’s an ongoing health benefit in me doing that.
To be honest for me, lockdown wasn’t that much different from my regular life. I work from home and I’m at an age where I don’t go out as much socialising, but even so I do miss the occasional get together with friends and the odd trip out. After over a year of avoiding people we are faced with the fact that we don’t remember how we used to act in large gatherings of people and the thought of doing that again can be quite scary.
Before the pandemic, many were concerned about a potential “social media addiction” and our dwindling ability to communicate in person. Just look at how many people were (pre pandemic) sitting in coffee shops and restaurants etc looking at their phones rather than interacting with each other. During the last year or so we’ve had no choice but to turn to technology to stay in touch with anyone beyond the walls of our homes and many people realised that wasn’t as fun as they thought it would be and missed face to face contact with others. So maybe this was a wake up call and getting back to normal may include having less social media time and instead actually connecting with people instead, which is no bad thing.
Returning to socialising is hard, especially when you have a chronic illness, our world can become small and our comfort zone can be our house, or even just our bedroom. It takes a lot of energy to socialise, for us it’s probably better to start small, perhaps invite one friend or family member to your house for a set period of time. Maybe meet up for coffee somewhere and again agree a period of time so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.
You can then build up to a longer period and meet with more people, but listen to your body and don’t push yourself too far thinking that you should get back to ‘normal’ immediately.
You may also think that you have a lot to talk about as you’ve been apart for so long, but perhaps (a bit like on a first date) think of a few subjects to talk about so that you feel less anxious, after all we haven’t done much that’s exciting so in reality we may not actually have that much to talk about. It’s also probably advisable to avoid ‘how are you’ questions as that may lead to talking about your illness and personally I’d like to talk about absolutely anything other than that!
If you don’t have friends or family consider joining a group of some kind, there are some that take gentle walks round the park, art classes or book groups etc. The benefit is also that they will not know that you have lupus, so you don’t even need to mention it unless you want to.
If you don’t feel quite ready to meet up with friends/family just yet that’s ok, but remember avoidance of social situations can just breed more avoidance. If nothing else go to the shops and interact with the cashier or other customers, just take that first step to becoming social again.
Social interaction will probably feel clumsy when we first begin interacting with our friends, family and co-workers. The good news is that our brain is relatively flexible and learns quickly. We may be rusty at first, feeling like we’re on an awkward first date with everyone we meet up with, but our brains are resilient and we will re-adapt with time.
Also don’t forget you’re not alone in this, most of the World will find the next few months or even years very strange and will need to adapt to the changes. Don't be hard on yourself if you're finding it difficult to get back into a routine, remember how hard it was for us all to adapt to the changes to cope with the pandemic but we did it. If you are really struggling please contact your doctor for help, or confide in a close friend/family member.
For more advice on social anxiety please click here.
Angie Davidson
The content on this blog should not be seen as a substitute for medical advice. If you have, or think you may have lupus, always seek advice on a qualified physician. Find out more in our Terms of Use.
